Back In The Game!

Wow – so many of you might or might not know (depending on whether or not we’re friends on Facebook) but we had a baby! Julian Donovan Conant born November 6th, 2009 at 2:51am weighing 5lb 15oz and 19″ long. Today he is 11 weeks.

Julian at 10 Weeks

That’s the real reason we put our adoption on hold (although we ARE building our house this year too). We didn’t tell our agency because we don’t like or trust them and during the almost 2 years that we’ve been working with them they’ve changed many of their rules several times – seemingly randomly.

BUT I wouldn’t be making this post if we didn’t have good news. We finally decided to tell them about Jude and asked when we can go back on the waiting list and were told September 1st! That’s because by the time we get a referral (we’ll be #1 on the list) and fly home that Julian will be at least 1 year old.

We still want to adopt siblings but I know that there is still a strict birth order rule so, although I didn’t ask I think they assumed we are now only able to adopt an infant under 1 year. Not sure and don’t really want to ask, but we can figure that out as the time gets closer.

The reason that we had to get some answers now is because we have to update our homestudy soon. Also, our fingerprints expired in December and our 171H will need the free extension by March.

So that’s our news! I’ll be updating the blog again since we’ll be updating our homestudy in the next month or so.

The strangest part of all this is that it’s so much more than adopting. We’re not just going to have another child, we’re gaining a sibling for Julian. It’s interesting how this is now affecting not just us but Julian too.

There’s A Reason…

There’s a reason I haven’t updated our adoption blog in such a long time. Our world is about to be turned upside down (in a good way!). We’re in a place where, because we want to start building our house next summer on the property, that we have to put our condo on the market.

For obvious reasons this means we can’t accept a referral. Once our condo sells (oh please please please) we’ll be renting until our house construction is done, which we are hoping will be early Fall of next year.

We’ve put off actually placing our adoption on hold because it gets very messy and complicated when we factor in paperwork expiring, but there’s nothing we can do about it.

And for those of you following along, as of today – although fairly irrelevant now – we are #36 on the overall list.

I still follow everyone’s exciting news on the adoption boards and blogs and am cheering each one of you along!

Moving Up

2 new referrals. A baby boy, 8 months old. The family waited 11 months. And a sibling set of a 3 month old boy and 4 year old girl. I don’t know how long that family waited but I will definitely update when I do find out since the family might have had a similar request to ours.

So now we’re #43ish.

There’s also a rumor that because of the Addis Ababa abandonned children situation that the courts might stay open during the rainy season September – October when they are usually closed.

Response

It looks like a family ahead of us accepted a referral of a sibling group from the Waiting Child list. They are 7 & 5 years old. So now we’re #45ish.

I did receive a response from CHI about my letter. Nothing specific about Toni, just that he hoped that I would like Nicky – that she would be professional but not “chatty”. There were a lot of points that I brought up and he did address them all, but I won’t get into it.

6 MONTHS! – UPDATED

But somehow I don’t feel very celebratory in light of everything going on.

But here’s something exciting: it also just happens to be:

my 1 year blog-o-versary!!!

1 Whole Year
365 Days
133 Posts
344 Comments
Lots of big life changes

Thanks for reading!

***update***

The family that’s been on the waiting list for siblings for 15 months finally got their referral. You may or may not remember my mentioning them in this post. They had the crazy (impossible) age request. So specific that they only way they were ever going to get a referral is if they got infant twin girls – and I’m actually surprised their social worker ever allowed such a narrow range. Anyhow – so that’s what they got. 7 week old girls. So now we’re #45 and up one spot on the sibling list.

New Adoption Consultant

It turns out that Toni was in fact fired. It’s an outrage. Huge mistake on CHI’s part. It turns out that they had been trying to do so for quite a while. As I’m sure you’ve gathered Toni was very passionate about her job and invested herself personally in each and every family she worked with. As mind boggling as it is, this is exactly what CHI had a problem with. 

I’m in the middle of a very sternly worded letter to CHI. I’ll update if I hear anything back in the next week or two.

We got an email today from our new adoption consultant named Nicky. At least they didn’t try to put us with Erin. We’ll see how it goes.

Speechless

I just found out that our adoption consultant Toni is longer with CHI. 

I’m devastated. She was the ONLY good thing about CHI. We’ll get assigned a new consultant. I’ll update if I hear more details…. *sigh*

#46

#46ish.

There was an infant boy referral last week,  and 2 families chose children from the waiting child list: a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy.

Good News

Just in time for the long weekend.

I have it on good authority that the ban on the courts hearing abandoned children cases in Addis Ababa has been lifted! This is truly truly awesome news for all of the families

I’m sure they’ll all be getting court dates soon!

#49

2 5 more referrals this week! I’ll just post referrals as we get them since they seem to be so few and far between nowadays. One was a 4 month old girl and the family waited 11 months. The other was a 2 year old girl and the family waited 11 1/2 months. 

The other 3 are a 7 week old boy (family waited 10 months), a 4 year old girl (the family waited 6 1/2 months), and a sibling group from the waiting child list – 2 girls aged 4 & 7, both of whom are very healthy and lovely. That family waited 6 weeks. So now we’re in the 40’s – wow!

There was a joint council meeting yesterday. I was going to summarize but I’ll just quote:

“The Ethiopia caucus of Joint Council conducted a conference call where the topic of discussion centered on ethical practices in Ethiopia . There was really no additional information given regarding the abandonment child issue in Ethiopia , as the investigation still continues. No time frame has been given regarding how long it will take before a decision regarding abandoned children in Addis is made. Actually no additional information outside of what you already have been made aware of was given or known at this time.

The emphasis was actually on what each agency can do to ensure the highest level of ethics in adoption and incorporating adoption into a broader range of services where communities in Ethiopia are impacted, families are serviced, better health care is available, education for all concerned, which is a large part of the focus of Children’s Hope in all of the countries that we work in. Development Aid must increase just as the number of adoption increases. Because everyone involved in international adoption is not pro adoption, in order to ensure a long future in international adoption, agencies and everyone involved must be vigilant in ensuring that ALL of the work meets the government’s regulations, even if the process takes a little longer.”

The families whose adoptions are in limbo right now must be frantic with worry, so hopefully there is a resolution soon.

#53

4 Referrals today. Two infant girls, 2 & 4 months (FINALLY!!!!!) and two infant boys, 3 & 6 months. All 4 families waited between 10 – 12 months.

Hoping that this is just the first of many this week and next…

Close….#57

I just got an email from Toni, our adoption coordinator telling us that we are #57. She wanted to make sure that we were doing ok. So sweet!!!

So of course I’ll restart my record keeping numbering system today at #57. It’s going to get harder and harder as many of the families to get referrals might actually be behind us now that we’re getting closer. 

This also means that those families who did not pass court last week are probably not losing their referrals, so that’s good. 

I also learned that the medicals on children who are not yet referred, instead of taking 2 weeks is taking closer to 4, so that could have something to do with the slowdowns lately. 

I’m sure  we’ll be having some good news over the next couple of weeks…

It Only Takes One

….to spoil it for everyone else. There was some sad news late last week regarding Ethiopian adoptions. Luckily most families are not affected, and this is just a temporary setback. Here’s the situation:

“Ethiopia Federal Court, as of this week, will not been hearing adoption cases of children who were abandoned in Addis Ababa, until further notice. A preliminary investigation by the High Court has been completed.  This preliminary investigation found that 1 police officer and 1 social worker from Addis Ababa were involved in the cases of 17 children, which were “found” by the police officer and labeled “abandoned” by the SW.  Evidently, the children were not actually abandoned and do have birth parents. As a result, these adoptions were not allowed to go through. These were NOT Children’s Hope families, and actually the name of the agency and those involved have not been released by the judge.”

So because of these 17 discovered cases ALL Addis Ababa abandoned children hearings are on hold. 9 CHI families were affected and probably hundreds more families from all over the world. What that means is that the families who had accepted referrals of children abandoned in Addis Ababa and were waiting for court dates now might lose their referrals, or will have to wait until this is resolved. I imagine doing a thorough investigation of every single child abandoned in Addis Ababa to make sure the adoption is legitimate will take a very very long time. Bravo to the Ethiopian courts for being so vigilant.

To put things in perspective for you: these 9 families didn’t find out of the situation until their actual court dates. Court dates are assigned 3 – 4 months after a referral is accepted, so these families have been seeing pictures, videos, and updates of their children for many months, suddenly to have to face the possibility of losing them. It’s devastating. 

There were also 2 referrals last week. 2 boys, aged 4 and 3. So this brings us to either #55 OR to #64 depending on whether or not these 9 families will lose their referrals or simply wait longer for court dates.

Lovely mom-to-be Meg has some almost first-hand info and was generous enough to share…

5 Months!

How weird is this?!?!?!: It’s 5 months waiting on the fifth of May (5/5).  It would only be stranger if we were also #55 on the waiting list….

So Happy Cinco De Mayo Everyone!!!

Only update: a family accepted a referral from the Waiting Children list, and since they were ahead of us we’re now #57…

2 Referrals – UPDATED

A 1 month old boy and a 2 year old boy. Such a small number of referrals after such a long dry spell (almost 3 weeks) seems almost insulting. Whatever. 

More than anything I’m just super freaking annoyed on behalf of the families adopting single children that went into this process being told that it would take about 6 months, only to find out that it was actually going to take around a year (woops?!?!)

We’re now #59. #58

 

***UPDATED***

There were actually 3 referrals this week. There was also a 5 week old boy.

What Is An Orphan?

According to our agency/US Immigration Law:

The definition of an orphan according to U.S. immigration law

As many of you have read the post on the yahoo group from the family who lost their referral this week, we were asked to share what exactly constitutes an orphan. First I’d like to say that you should not be concerned that this will hinder or hamper your referral, or any referral, and that was an unfortunate situation that involved the family who posted the information only and has no reflection on the Ethiopia program or on our work in Ethiopia.  Our hearts and prayers are with this family as God walks them through this time and brings a sense of comfort and settlement to them. Please join us in keeping them before the Lord in your prayers.

 Below is a list of situations that would classify as child as an orphan. Just a footnote regarding Ethiopian adoptions however … the adoption is not legal and binding until the judge in the Ethiopia Federal Court approves the adoption, even though a birth parent/relative may have given their consent in writing at the time of the relinquishment.  The birth parents/relative must be present when the adoption case is being heard in the court; and he/she must give their consent again in front of the judge attesting that she/he indeed desire to relinquish the child.

 A child may qualify as an orphan because either:

       (a) The child has no parents because of the death or disappearance, abandonment, or desertion by, or separation from or loss of both parents; or

      (b) The child’s sole or surviving parent is incapable of providing proper care and has, in writing, irrevocably released the child for emigration and adoption. 

The child has no parents due to any combination of the following 6 reasons:

 ·        Death

·        Disappearance

·        Abandonment

·        Desertion

·        Separation

·        Loss

And since abandonment seems to be the most confusing:

Abandonment

    (a) “Abandonment” means that the parents have willfully forsaken all parental rights, obligations, and claims to the child, as well as all control over and possession of the child, without intending to transfer, or without transferring, these rights to any specific person(s).  A child who is placed temporarily in an orphanage should not be considered to be abandoned if the parents express an intention to retrieve the child, are contributing or attempting to contribute to the support of the child, or otherwise exhibit ongoing parental interest in the child.

(b) A relinquishment or release by the parent(s) to the prospective adoptive parents or for a specific adoption does not constitute “abandonment.”  Similarly, the relinquishment or release of the child by the parent to a third party for custodial care in anticipation of, or preparation for, adoption does not constitute “abandonment” unless the third party (such as a governmental agency, a court of competent jurisdiction, an adoption agency, or an orphanage) is authorized under the child welfare laws of the foreign-sending country to act in such a capacity.

A child released to a government-authorized third party, however, could be considered to have been abandoned even if the parent(s) knew at the time that the child would probably be adopted by a specific person or persons, so long as the relinquishment was not contingent upon adoption by a specific person or persons.

Shockingly Sad

One of CHI’s families just posted this:

“‘Husband’ and I received and accepted our referral for two beautiful girls 3 weeks ago. We have been waiting for a court date. When we received a call from Sharon yesterday, we were afraid something was wrong, but we never imagined this. It had just come to light, through the girls talking with the nannies, that they are not sisters, and they are not orphans. The families were hoping to give the girls a better life and falsified the documentation at the orphanage (as far as can be determined). We are so very heartbroken. Please know that we have complete confidence in CHI and admire their high dedication to ethics. I know that they were deceived as well and they are trying to determine an even higher standard to ensure this does not happen again. In the meantime, I will be taking a break from this group. Please know in my heart that I want to be able to celebrate each and every step of the adoption and your kids with you, but it is just a bit too much at the moment. I hope and pray good things for each of your families.”

I did ask the question: “I wonder how this is any different than a parent relinquishing a child due to poverty or illness? I know that not all of our referrals are true orphans (both parents deceased), so I’m wondering if the girls will still be adopted out as single children?”

And was told: “Both girls still have both parents – they don’t qualify as orphans at all and cannot be legally adopted.”

How devastating!!! If you see this post it’s the 3 1/2 and 5 year old girls. I can’t even imagine

It’s a testament to CHI that they refused to turn a blind eye to this situation and investigated it thoroughly. No parent could live with themselves knowing their children might not be truly orphans.

Needless to say we move back one spot to #61.

New Info – Same Timeline

We got our weekly update from our agency on Friday and it was the best update they have ever sent out. They answered a lot of questions and brought up some touchy subjects and I think everyone  - no matter where they are in the process – feels more reassured now. It was long overdue – CHI needs to be better at gauging the mood of the waiting families and jump in with answers much sooner. 

Here are some exerpts (it’s going to be a lot – there’s so much good info!):

“April marks two years that Children’s Hope has been working in Ethiopia. Today we received a great compliment from the US Embassy in Ethiopia, delivered by our Ethiopia representative. Their thoughts of Children’s Hope are that we do the work of adoptions properly; our families’ files are always perfect, and the officials thanked us for doing a great job and for being an example for other agencies. We have a very good reputation in the country.”

Wait Times

“We have been carefully watching the time frame that families have waited for a referral. It seems as though the average wait time had been 7-8 months for the referral of a single child, and sibling have taken much longer, up to a year or more. Since about January 2009, we have seen the wait times increase slightly for single birth children, reaching into the 10 month mark; and the wait time for a sibling set has been increasing as well. In an attempt to give a clearer view of the wait as it looks now, we are increasing the referral wait time from 6-10 months to 6-13 months for single birth and older children, and up to 16 months for siblings.  Some families will receive referrals sooner, towards the shorter end of the wait and some towards the later,  based on multiple factors, several of which I will address in this update. Please know that we will continue to look at the wait times as we move forward and adjust them as needed, in either direction, but for now, this is our best guess from what we are seeing  based on our current waiting families. Two families waiting from siblings have waited 13 months. Several families waiting for infants have waited a little over 10 months to date,  as of late.”

Siblings

“It’s preferred that families interested in adopting siblings be flexible in regard to the age of children requested, and open to gender. When a more narrow request is noted for a referral it can expand the wait time for receiving a referral. We are recommending that families interested in adopting siblings be open to at least 0- 4 years old, if applicable, when requesting very young children. Though we have placed sibling groups under this age, that is not what our Ethiopia Rep is seeing at the orphanages of late. The more flexible that one is with the age of the child, the more likely we are to see more sibling groups referred.

When requesting siblings, it is far better to make your request – a  sibling group of  two, 0-4years, either gender (for example) instead of requesting a sibling group of two where the youngest is a girl under 7 months and the oldest is a boy no older than 2 yrs, for example. This will expand your wait for a referral, as it is too narrow of a request.

You may have heard that other agencies are placing many sibling groups; however, they may have many sibling groups because two unrelated children are many times being grouped together and being placed as siblings.”

Ethics Practices

“Every agency/orphanage in Ethiopia is not operating ethically. We hear this from the Ministry of Woman’s affairs, the US Embassy, and other groups, continually. We have to be careful, and we are, that our practices are ethical even when others aren’t. That has caused us some delays as well with  receiving referrals, as we want to gather all of the pertinent information on the child as best that we can to verify that the child is truly abandoned or relinquished by a birth relative. Sometimes this takes time. And when situations arise, they have to be addressed and corrected.”

Agency Time In Country

“Agencies who have been working in Ethiopia longer than newer agencies and who have established themselves in the country over time, may receive, or  be allowed, different services, etc., than a newer agency. It’s almost like you have to prove yourself and to establish your agency in the country as a reputable agency. I think that we are doing that, but we still are a new agency, and in that light as a director of another agency told me, some things are not equal. ”

Other Agency Referrals

“Many families have mentioned other agencies and/or orphanages whose families receive very quick referrals. That is in fact very true, however, how are they getting their referrals so quickly? Have they deleted an important step in the process; are birth mothers being bribed for their babies? These types of things go on, unfortunately, and I wouldn’t think that it is the majority of agencies that do this, but it is happening and all agencies have been made aware of this and cautioned by the officials who oversee adoption on many levels. I spoke with an agency that places hundreds of children from Ethiopia each year, but all of their children are all older; the agency places very few infants. And she mentioned they have been working in Ethiopia for several years as well. This is just to say that we can not compare apples to apples, or agency to agency, when comparing another’s referrals and wait times. It’s not as cut and dry as it might appear.”

WOW. A lot of info there. Kudos if you actually read it (and you’re not an adoptive parent!!!)

So what that means for us: not much except now I know that I, for one, feel better about CHI. It is tremendously important (and that doesn’t even begin to describe it) to know that we are working with an ethical agency! It’s for precisely those reasons that programs like Guatemala and Vietnam were shut down. All it took was just a few bad agencies carrying on unethical practices…

Regarding wait times: nothing changes for us. We had always assumed ever since we decided to adopt siblings that the wait would be 12 – 18 months. We knew that right about the time we hit 3 or 4 months on the waiting list that we’d probably have about another year left. 

And although we’d LOVE to have our kids right now, we’re really not in a hurry – even though at 31 we’re not getting any younger! Nathan is still in nursing school, so as of now the timing will be perfect. And realistically we probably will up our preference to 0 – 4 years instead of 0 – 3 years. We haven’t discussed it, but have another good 9 or so months to put in the actual request before we get anywhere near the top of the list…

Referrals Today

3 total, but the update said one of the families had only been waiting 3 months, so wouldn’t bump us up a spot. That makes us #60…

4 month old girl, 19 month old boy, and 2 year old boy.

I’m pretty sure the referral of the girl went to a family who has actually been waiting TEN MONTHS (CHI trying to makes themselves sound better???). If it is so I’ll update again later. Fingers crossed it’s who I think it is!